“Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
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“Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.”
Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings, Chapter 78: "Domestik Receipts in Full" http://books.google.com/books?id=gNw-AQAAMAAJ&q=%22Tew+bring+up+a+child+in+the%22+%22he+should+go+travel+that+wa+yourself%22&pg=PA217#v=onepage (1865)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
“Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.”
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
“Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Affurisms: Jews Harps http://books.google.com/books?id=pkM1AAAAMAAJ&q=%22It+iz+comparitively+eazy+tew+repent+ov+the+sins+that+we+hav+committed+but+tew+repent+ov+thoze+which+we+intend+to+commit+is+asking+tew+mutch+ov+enny+man+now+days%22&pg=PA164#v=onepage, Josh Billings' Wit and Humor (1874)
“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
“I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Affurisms: Slips of the Pen http://books.google.com/books?id=Wpk_AAAAYAAJ&q="The+lion+and+the+lamb+may+possibly+sumtime+lay+down+in+this+world+together+for+a+fu+minnits+but+when+the+lion+kums+tew+git+up+the+lamb+will+be+missing"&pg=PA227#v=onepage The Complete Works of Josh Billings (1876)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things https://archive.org/details/joshbillingsoni00billgoog (1868), Chapter XXIV: "Perkussion Caps", p. 89; republished in The Complete Works of Josh Billings http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/36556 (1876), Chapter 141: "Ods and Ens", p. 248. Often paraphrased as "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
“7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
“I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.”
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
“Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
“When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.”
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
