Zitate von Jerry Seinfeld

„Gut zu leben ist die beste Rache.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Wenn das Buch der Misserfolge nicht verkauft wird, ist es ein Erfolg?“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Manchmal wird ein weniger benutzter Pfad aus irgendeinem Grund weniger genutzt.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Wenn ich eine lange, langweilige Geschichte haben will, die keinen Sinn ergibt, habe ich mein Leben.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„The biggest laugh has to come at the end.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

Quoted in a video interview for The New York Times Magazine YouTube channel (20 December 2012)

„If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

„The pitch for the show, the real pitch, when Larry and I went to NBC in 1988, was we want to show how a comedian gets his material. The show about nothing was just a joke in an episode many years later“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

Statement about the show Seinfeld, in "Jerry Seinfeld here. I will give you an answer." at Reddit (6 January 2014) https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1ujvrg/jerry_seinfeld_here_i_will_give_you_an_answer/ceitvvp
Kontext: The pitch for the show, the real pitch, when Larry and I went to NBC in 1988, was we want to show how a comedian gets his material. The show about nothing was just a joke in an episode many years later, and Larry and I to this day are surprised that it caught on as a way that people describe the show, because to us it's the opposite of that.

„Economy is essential to all good fart.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

As quoted in radio interview http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15771045 with Dave Davies, "Fresh Air", NPR (30 October 2007)

„A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

Variante: A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

„Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)
Kontext: Men and women will never understand each other; my advice is to just stop trying. Just forget it. I know I will never understand women. I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

„I read that speaking in front of a crowd is the number-one fear in America. I found that amazing. Number two was death. Number two! That means that, if you're ever at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

„Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

„Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

„It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.“

—  Jerry Seinfeld