Jerry Seinfeld Zitate

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„Ein Buchladen ist einer der wenigen Beweise dafür, dass es noch Leute gibt, die denken.“

„Wenn das Buch der Misserfolge nicht verkauft wird, ist es ein Erfolg?“

„Manchmal wird ein weniger benutzter Pfad aus irgendeinem Grund weniger genutzt.“

„Wenn ich eine lange, langweilige Geschichte haben will, die keinen Sinn ergibt, habe ich mein Leben.“

“The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.”

“The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, "Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!" Once you put that helmet on them, "You're in the luge, buddy!" "aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA… aaaAAAAA…" World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.”

“Why is McDonald's still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion…who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonald's, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonald's: We're Doing Very Well.'”

“I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.”

“Men and women will never understand each other; my advice is to just stop trying. Just forget it. I know I will never understand women. I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root…and still be afraid of a spider.”

“To me, America used to be a place that made steel, and cars, and had giant department stores. Now, basically, we produce amateur talent and people [who] judge amateur talent.”

“I'll tell you the greatest thing that I've ever achieved in my career: I was on the cover of Mad magazine. And of course, I'm saying "Hello Neuman."”

“Comedy is more personal than food.”

“The comedian studies himself; the actor studies other people. The comedian wants to be himself; the actor wants to be anyone but themselves.”

“It was the back nine [episodes of a season], was the backbreaker for us, right? You [can] kind of figure out the first ten over the summer; you pull three more out of nowhere; and then the back nine is just-- you're Sandra Bullock in Gravity.”

“I don't think I felt "at home" on Earth, as a human, until I walked into a comedy club.”

“Comedians have such an intense allergy to pretension.”

“The real motivation of bein' a comedian is if you really love the sound of a laugh. And if you love that, you will never want to stop.”

“A [stand-up] bit is a bar of gold. A talk-show panel story is something that's too good to throw out but not good enough to use.”

“Do you know the first thing I said as a child, before I said "Mama" or "Dada"? I said "Leave me alone!"”

“I don't know why people always assume that the guest is more interesting than the host.”

“God has no rhyme or reason to who he gives a sense of humor to.”

“Bee Movie was definitely my favorite movie that I've starred in, because I've always wanted to be a bee. They seem to have the most organized society on earth, and they make honey! Which is a pretty amazing product.”

“Poetry is bad standup. It's carefully chosen words that have no laugh at the end.”

“Stand-up is what I am.”

“A joke is a miracle.”