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“Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Variante: Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.

“Cars are some of the most intoxicating, most beautiful things ever forged by mankind.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Voice-over introduction to Forza Motorsport 5 (2013)
Kontext: Cars. To some, they're just transport. A convenient alternative to highly-flammable dirigibles or walking. But you- you understand that cars are far more than this. They are our history. They mark the moments by which we define decades. Cars are some of the most intoxicating, most beautiful things ever forged by mankind. They represent the glory of technology, the essence of freedom, and have been the weapons in some of our most gripping sporting battles. They grip us, they cheer us on, they hold us up as heroes. So this is about the love of all things four-wheeled and fast. This is a shrine to power, to speed, to metal made beautiful. This is where dreams are driven. Welcome to Forza.

“How hard can it be?”

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Jeremy Clarkson

“No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

“Let's be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

A Murderous Fox Has Made Me Shoot David Beckham, p. 161
The World According to Clarkson (2005)

“There is, however, one car company that has never lost sight of its role in the marketplace. Rolls-Royce. Sir Henry Royce, who founded the company back in 1904, really was a one-man quote machine. "Strive for perfection in everything you do." "Accept nothing as nearly right or good enough." "The quality remains long after the price is forgotten."”

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Jeremy Clarkson

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it."
Rolls-Royce, p. 19
I Know You Got Soul (2004)

“Some say that no machine conceived to kill could ever be called beautiful. Magnificent, maybe, and awesome perhaps. But not beautiful. The thing is though that in the battleship's short life of just 90 years it turned out to be a less effective killing machine than amost any other weapon of war. All they did was steam around the oceans, making the people who paid for them feel good.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

I Know You Got Soul (2004)

“Small boys everywhere know that in a fight between Superman, James Bond and the Terminator, James Bond would win. Well, it's the same story in Star Wars. In a fight between the Enterprise, Stingray, Thunderbird 2 and the Millennium Falcon, the Falcon would reign supreme. It just would. The end.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

I Know You Got Soul (2004)

“Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

The Unhappiest People on Earth? You'd never guess, p. 259
The World According to Clarkson (2005)

“The engine sounds like Victorian plumbing — it looks like Victorian plumbing as well, to be honest.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

The Times March 22, 2007, reviewing the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article1549519.ece

“Fast, truly exciting cars are being killed off so that pretty soon the officers will all be gone, leaving us with a field full of enlisted men.”

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Jeremy Clarkson buch Born to be Riled

Quelle: Born to be Riled (1999), p. 34

“There's one other thing too. No car can truly be great unless it's a Ferrari.”

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Jeremy Clarkson buch Born to be Riled

Quelle: Born to be Riled (1999), p. 23

“It is almost impossible to win a VC. In the hundred-and-fifty years since it was created, the number of British and Commonwealth troops who've seen action is in the tens of millions, but only 1,351 of them have been awarded the Victoria Cross. The chances of surviving a VC action are just one in ten, but if you do survive, the medal can never be taken away from you. You can go to the gallows wearing it. And no matter how many letters you have after your name, VC always comes first.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

The Victoria Cross: For Valour (2003)

“Can we be honest for a moment. You didn't have a good Christmas, did you? Your turkey was too dry, your kids spent all day glued to their internets, and you didn't bother watching the Big Christmas Film because you've owned it for years on DVD. What you should have had to liven things up was my mother. She arrived at my house with a steely resolve that the Christmas holidays would be exactly like the Christmas holidays she enjoyed when she was a child. Only without the diphtheria or the bombing raids.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Quelle: For Crying Out Loud! The World According to Clarkson Volume Three (2008), p. 1

“As Russians say, manners maketh the British late. ”

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Jeremy Clarkson

“They were out of ideas after just five miles. The Royal Navy vessel had approached unseen, fired unseen, and simply disappeared”

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Jeremy Clarkson

I Know You Got Soul (2004)
Kontext: When the Argentine light cruiser Belgrano was hit by two torpedoes from the snout of Conqueror, a British hunter-killer, the enemy escort ships immediately gave chase. They were out of ideas after just five miles. The Royal Navy vessel had approached unseen, fired unseen, and simply disappeared.

“If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3).”

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Jeremy Clarkson

“What foreigners like most about Britain is not multiculturalism or tolerance or any of that new Labour nonsense. No, what they like is our history. Shakespeare. Blenheim Palace. Soldiers in preposterous hats who don't move. Yes, they may go and see some dead dogs in a modern art gallery but that's only because they've spent the morning on top of a sightseeing bus and they're freezing.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Quelle: For Crying Out Loud! The World According to Clarkson Volume Three (2008), p. 17

“You really could call the new TVR Cerbera heavy metal were it not fashioned from plastic. The best way to experience this car is to be about seven miles away. As it comes toward you, it's like being in a horror movie. The monster is getting closer. The Thing. The Blob. Terror has no shape. But God, what a noise.”

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Jeremy Clarkson buch Born to be Riled

Quelle: Born to be Riled (1999), p. 6

“The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this… almost nothing on Earth is as good as this… Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz… and some honey… then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson - The Italian Job

“First off, the whole point of airborne troops is surprise: you don't know they're coming until they're there. But because Cain arrived 24 hours after the first wave, the surprise was gone. And to make matters worse, the landing zone was some eight miles from the bridge. So, thanks to some incompetent planning by the top brass in England, the Germans knew that Cain and his men were coming, they knew where he landed, they knew where he was going, and they had the wherewithal to do something about it.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

The Victoria Cross: For Valour (2003)

“I simply don't understand why the Nobel academy gave him a peace prize or why Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh gave him a new garden. And I don't see why he should be given a statue in Trafalgar Square, either. If we're after someone who stands up for the oppressed, what about Jesus? I feel fairly sure he never blew up a train.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Mandela Just Doesn't Deserve His Pedestal, p. 239
The World According to Clarkson (2005)

“The Flying Scotsman was the first train, ever, to do 100 MPH. 147 tons doing the ton.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

I Know You Got Soul (2004)

“Hurricane Katrina didn't just knock a few bricks from the fabric of a levee. More importantly, it knocked a few bricks also from the notion that America is a shining beacon of hope for a troubled world.
It isn't. It's a house of straw. With no education to glue that straw together.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

"Flood that released America's demons", The Sun, September 10, 2005

“Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Top Gear, 2 November 2008; as quoted in "Clarkson joke sparks complaints" http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7707641.stm, BBC News, 4 November 2008 <br class="br">Top Gear

“It's no more daunting in there than in a Georgian drawing room. You sit on a supremely comfortable chair- it'd be even better if it were a wingback, I'm surprised it's not- overlooking acres of leather and wood. You're never tempted, as you are in a Maybach, to push a button just to find out what it does. And then having to spend the rest of the journey trying to find which button undoes whatever the first button did. This makes for a hugely relaxing drive. So relaxing, in fact, that you sometimes forget that you're in a car. I did.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Rolls-Royce, p. 25
I Know You Got Soul (2004)

“It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.”

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Jeremy Clarkson

Sunday Times May 17, 2009, reviewing the Honda Insight 1.3 IMA SE Hybrid http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article6294116.ece

“You get the picture. And so did BMW. When they bought the company they could have fitted a new body to one of their 7 Series. That's what Mercedes did to create the Maybach. But instead of wandering around the BMW spare-parts division saying, "What do we want?" the engineers fired up their computers and asked, "What do we need?". Plainly they looked at what Henry Royce and Charles Rolls were trying to achieve a hundred years ago, and thought, "Zis is vot ve must do also."”

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Jeremy Clarkson

And as a result the Rolls-Royce Phantom is quite simply the best car in the world.
Rolls-Royce, p. 24
I Know You Got Soul (2004)