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Dylan Moran ist ein irischer Schauspieler und Comedian.

✵ 3. November 1971
Dylan Moran Foto
Dylan Moran: 120 Zitate0 Gefällt mir

Dylan Moran: Zitate auf Englisch

“Children aren't like that, which is why they look so young, 'cause they always have a sense of style and purpose. When they're walking around, they have a very definite purpose, they're walking. And it's a great walk as well, it's not an adult's sort of bemused shuffle, it's that 'I'm going over here.' And you say 'Why are you going over there?' 'Because I have a harmonica.' 'What are you doing with the harmonica?' 'I'm going to put it in the toilet.”

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Dylan Moran

'Why are you doing tha—' 'Enough questions, goodbye!'
On children's attitude.
Like, Totally (2006)

“You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts…' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm… Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler…”

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Dylan Moran

Like, Totally (2006)

“All male arguments are very early '70s, Soviet-made, uni-directional trundling behemoths that say the same thing again and again and again: "I told you I would be late on Tuesday, I told you I would be late, I said it, I heard my own voice, I did say it… I told yoouuuu." Whereas women seem to have these amazing, slinky stealth bombers designed by Jaguar! With a lovely cream leather interior and infinite torque! That's why they can respond by saying "Yes, maybe, alright, but why is the fridge door open?"”

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Dylan Moran

"I don't understand, I don't understand..."
Monster (2004)

“Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead; the country where they invented bacon flavour mouthwash.”

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Dylan Moran

Yeah, Yeah (2011)

“Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.”

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Dylan Moran

On adulthood.
What It Is (2009)

“Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time.”

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Dylan Moran

Like, Totally (2006)

“And women as a group, en masse, do show contempt for men, en masse… as a group, you hear a lot of contempt for men: "Oh look! Look at them, look! There they go! One of them's trying to DO something."”

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Dylan Moran

What It Is (2009)

“Or when people break up, they always use a bunch of lines on each other, you know, terrible rubbish lies, like "It’s not you, it’s me, it’s me." It’s NEVER you, it’s always them! You should level with these people! Tell them! "You know that strange sound you used to hear when you were going to sleep? That was me CHEWING the bed, out of sheer boredom! OOOOHH, How I HATE you, I hate you so much it gives me energy! I have to get up early in the morning to hate you because there isn’t time enough in the day. Please, GO AWAY!" Or that other BULLSHIT: "I need more space!" People never quantify exactly how much space they really need.. do they? But strangely enough, it always seems to be the exact same height, depth and breadth as you.”

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Dylan Moran

On breakups.
Monster (2004)

“Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! FRY HER!! FRY HER!"”

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Dylan Moran

On beer.
Monster (2004)

“Most heterosexual people in this country, and around the world, meet each other, and get together with one another when they’re totally, totally drunk. Smashed out of their minds they could not spell their own face. And they go home with that person! And you might spend months with that person, or a year, or you might have a family! This is what happens, this is how you meet. But you wouldn’t buy a toaster when you’re drunk, ‘cause that’s too important. It's got to be crispy in just the right way, hasn't it?”

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Dylan Moran

On starting relationship.
Like, Totally (2006)

“I'm waiting 'til they get all this kit in one six by three inch lump of metal and you just stick it up your arse and it does everything for you. You get music all the time, everything's in vivid colour, your taste and all your hearing is enhanced, and you never have to do anything ever again. You can stay in bed and just live in this vortex of sensation.”

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Dylan Moran

on being asked by Jonathan Ross about modern technology
Other

“You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.”

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Dylan Moran

Like, Totally (2006)

“I am actually walking towards the biscuit, I didn't realise I was, but now I do, oh oh oh I am actually eating the biscuit…oh no, oh the shame, oh I don't know what's better, THE BISCUIT OR THE SHAME.. oh oh the shame.”

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Dylan Moran

On Catholicism.
Like, Totally (2006)

“Where is the cake? Cake is the language of love. I don't see any cakes in the building. You know, people say that to you: "I love you, I love you!"”

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Dylan Moran

Yeah? Gimme a fuckin' eclair.
What It Is (2009)

“EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!”

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Dylan Moran

Monster (2004)

“This is from my granny. She was a beautiful, spiritual person. She always used to say: "Doesn't matter how big the fucker is. They all have a neck." Another thing she used to say was: "Never get involved with more than 11 people sexually at one time. You cannot keep everybody happy. Work on the farm deteriorates almost immediately. Don’t do that."”

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Dylan Moran

Yeah, Yeah (2011)

“You’re never going to go. Why would you go? It’s a disgusting place. It’s always wet even when it’s dry. There’s nothing there. Farmers aren’t really people, you know this. They’re just necessary, we need somebody to kill cows.”

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Dylan Moran

Like, Totally (2006)

“I know what you're thinking!”

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Dylan Moran

Oh do you? So do I. I know what everyone’s thinking: I'd like to be lying face down in a cushion, with my mouth full of chocolate, and something lovely happening to my lower half. Would you like your prize now, or later?
What It Is (2009)

“You're looking for a lump in a bag of lumps, that can take some time”

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Dylan Moran

On testicular cancer.
Monster (2004)

“It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette… unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.”

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Dylan Moran

On laws in Ireland prohibiting smoking in buildings where people work.
Monster (2004)

“(after coughing) I have… something. It'll clear up. Might take me with it, but we'll see.”

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Dylan Moran

Like, Totally
Other

“It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.”

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Dylan Moran

On the German language.
Like, Totally (2006)

“That’s why adults are confused a lot of the time. Adults are terribly confused, messed up people. That’s because they forget, really, that they don’t have to pretend all the time. Really, the fact is that you’re not an adult at all - you’re just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don’t understand… "The Middle East? Yeah, I know it was really bad. I wouldn’t have done that. A hysterectomy? Yeah, very painful, the shoulder is a very painful area."”

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Dylan Moran

On adults.
Like, Totally (2006)

“99,9% of men are convinced that they have to live silently, with a bitter irony of the twist of fate, that means, nobody knows they're really a spy. And an amazing guitarist. Men give serious time and thought on "How would I deal with, if the rocket came down of that alley right now? Yeah, I'd handle that situation pretty well!" A spy who plays guitar at night! I basically think, you know, I'm what would have happened if James Dean had lived and discovered carbohydrates and orthopaedic shoes. You have to tell yourself this bullshit just to keep going! Cause you're constantly being reminded how redundant you are!”

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Dylan Moran

On men.
What It Is (2009)

“Vodka is a very deceptive drink, because you drink it and you think, "What is this? This is pointless! It's— you can't taste it, you can't smell it… Why did we waste our money on this, bloody— why are we on a traffic island?"”

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Dylan Moran

On vodka.
Monster (2004)

“A couple of days ago I saw one of those signs outside of churches and it said "Jesus said: I am the light of the world". Which is a very male view, you know, if Jesus had been Jesusina it would've been more modest. You know because it's a women, she would've been traditionally more modest. Jesusina would've gone: "Well I'm quite bright".”

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Dylan Moran

On religion.
What It Is (2009)

“You should stay away from your potential. I mean, that is something you should leave absolutely alone! You’ll mess it up! It’s potential, leave it! And anyway, it’s like your bank balance, you know: you always have much less than you think. […] Leave it as the locked door within yourself and then at least, in your mind, the interior will always be palatial. Wonderful gleaming marble floors, brocaded drapes. Mullioned windows, covered in mullions, whatever they are. Flamingos serving drinks. Pianos shooting out canapés into the mouths of elegant men and women who are exchanging witticisms… "Oh yes, this reminds me of the time I was in BudaPESHT with Binky… We were trying to steal a goose from the casino, muahahaha…" But it wont be like that[…] You don't want to find out that the most you could possibly achieve, if you gave it your all, if you harvested every screed of energy within you, and devoted yourself to improving yourself, that all you would get to, would be maybe eating less cheesy snacks.”

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Dylan Moran

Monster (2004)

“I fear we might be losing the basic human facility to be alone - and with that you throw out independent decision-making, what to trust, what not to trust, key stuff, a perilous loss.”

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Dylan Moran

on social networking sites like Facebook
Other

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